Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
