if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
