I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
