So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
