i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
