I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
be right there i have to get my cape
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
