Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize