Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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