Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
