The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
