I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
