did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
