help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
