stop calling my apartment porn island.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
