am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
