I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so let's talk penis.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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