Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
