The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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