So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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