I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
