This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
