five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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