you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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