Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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