Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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