I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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