I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
