We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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