i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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