his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
