If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
