I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
