I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
