Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
