Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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