You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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