I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
