im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
