i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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