Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
