my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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