You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
