So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
