dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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