C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
