I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
