who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
