just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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