i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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