Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
