im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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