somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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