Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
