It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
