Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Vodka?
Forever.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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