I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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