why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm passing your future prison.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
