plz talk dirty to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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