Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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