hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
