Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
