I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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