why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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