genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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