you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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