I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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