Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
