He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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