meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
