i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
operation have a gay friend backfired
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
