I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just pee around me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
