Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
