had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
