so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
