I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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