in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
