do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
